I Just Wanted To Say...

What is your problem?

Location: Georgia, United States

I am me. More than I was, less than I will be. This is difficult. Facts-female, southern, mother and grandmother. Abstract-a Christian, a loner, intelligent, somewhat arrogant, impatient with stupidity, an unusual sense of humor.


Opera Babes

I am listening to a CD I bought not long ago by two women who go by the name Opera Babes. The music is wonderful.
I enjoy Dvorak's New World Symphony and one of the women wrote words for a passage from it and they perform There's a Place on this CD.
The words and their voices combine to make something beautiful.

There's a place, so I've heard, not so long ago
Troubled souls, welcome there, far from all we know
There's a place, so I heard, timeless and serene
Nature roams, freely there, in the meadows green
Gentle breeze fills the air, skies of palest blue
Silently waiting there, all to comfort you
There's a place, so I heard, where the living's slow
Pain, they say, ebbs away, as the rivers flow
There's a place, so I heard, waiting there for me
Free from care, life is there for eternity
No more fear, no regret, there's no price to pay
Restless heart soon will ease when you know the way
There's a place, so I heard, shade and light are one
Wisdom will lead you there when the day is done

There are times I wish I could go to a place like this, even if only for a while. Tonight is one of those times. Sometimes I think I see too much that I would rather not see .

A friend of mine who was a prosecutor came to my office one day absolutely seething about a case she was trying. The witness's mother didn't want him to testify because she didn't want any trouble to come to her because of his testimony. My friend was ranting about how angry the mother made her. I said she wasn't really mad at the mother, but at herself. I asked her if she could reach out and turn a switch and make the mother do what she wanted, would she be angry still? Her answer was, of course, no. My friend was frustrated by her inability to control the situation.

I am not often subject to depression. When I am, it is usually for the same reason my friend was angry. Because there is a situation I see spiraling out of control and I don't feel I can do anything effective to stop it. Worse, I don't really want to get involved because of the emotional storm occuring. Yet I still feel I have to try.

Three characteristics of an INTJ show up here. I can look ahead and see the probable outcome.
I would rather avoid an emotionally draining situation. But I can't stand to see a situation go bad without trying to straighten it out.

I am an emotional coward. It pains me to admit it, because I am rarely a coward about anything. But it takes everything I have inside to deal with uncomfortable emotional situations. When I try to figure out why, I put up walls against myself. The only reason that comes to mind is that the pain it causes me isn't superficial, but runs deep. I feel too much and when I feel too much, I don't think very well. And thinking well is how I keep my life in general under control. Too much feeling, not enough control. It took a long time to take control of my life and I hate to relinquish it. I really need to work on this.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought, not so much feeling, tends to produce better results. I am always bothered when I hear < how do you feel about somthing? > how a person feels, reminds me to much of how Hillary Clintons village people feel. Larry C.

10:41 AM  

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