I Just Wanted To Say...

What is your problem?

Location: Georgia, United States

I am me. More than I was, less than I will be. This is difficult. Facts-female, southern, mother and grandmother. Abstract-a Christian, a loner, intelligent, somewhat arrogant, impatient with stupidity, an unusual sense of humor.


Out of the Past

[This was painful and difficult to write and as painful and difficult to post. But the weight of it on my heart is heavy and I need to put it into words.]

When I arrived for work Monday morning, I saw that there was a fax that had come in over the weekend. It was a conflict letter from an attorney listing the courts he had to appear in that day. As usual, I did a quick skim for the Judge's name to be sure it had been sent to the correct office. My judge's name wasn't on the conflict letter, so I looked more thoroughly to see which judge should have received it. But when I looked closer, I saw the name of one of the people he was representing. It was a name from the past. A name I would have preferred not to ever see again.

My father worked with this man at one time. He was actually my age, but he and my father were friends. My parents often went to dinner with him and his wife. They had two little girls.

My father came home from work one day about twenty years ago and told us that this man had been arrested. A little later, we found out the details. He had raped his five-year old daughter. This wasn't a situation where a disgruntled spouse made false accusations or was just trying to cause problems or gain an advantage. I know this, because there were pictures. Taken by his wife. She took pictures while her husband raped their five year old daughter.

As a parent, as a female, as a human being, I cannot begin to accept or understand. You're five and the two people you depend on the most, the people who are the very foundation of your existence, do something that destroys your innocence, your faith, your trust and your life. Unless someone has lived through it, can anyone know how frightening, how painful, how terrifying, how hopeless it must have been for her.

Think about what it would have been like for her right after it was over. How much physical pain was she in from having a grown man force entry into her body. Did her throat hurt from screaming? Were her eyes and face swollen from the tears she had to have cried? Did he hold her down and bruise her arms, her legs? And when they left her there after he finished, how could she sleep with that much pain? Did they do anything to comfort her, to ease her? Would she even have wanted them to come near her or would she have cowered away? Did they even care? What was is like for her going to bed at night after that? Did she lie there in fear and wonder if it was going to happen again? Did it happen again? For how long before they were stopped?

Would you ask why they did it? Husband and wife were both cocaine users. That was the reason/excuse they used. They were under the influence of cocaine and "didn't know what they were doing." My, my, weren't they poor, pitiful things?

I have heard all the reasons for "legalizing" drugs. But having had my entire life affected because I grew up in a home where a "legal" mind-altering substance was abused, having listened to story after story from others who came from the same situation, and the fact that after twenty years, all it took to bring back the memory of this little girl and what she must have suffered, was the sight of a name on a piece of paper, I have the the only reason I need for opposing the legalization of any other such substance.

The reality of what she went through, what I went through, what other children have gone through and are still going through. That's reason enough for me.


Blogger RP said...

What a stunning betrayal. I stopped reading when you began to imagine what it must have been like for the little girl. I just couldn't read it. I'm sorry.

Why are the two parents still allowed to take in oxygen?

4:42 PM  
Anonymous Mina said...

I understand. My oldest daughter was six at the time it happened and the second one was four. It was all too easy to look at them while they played or slept and put them in her place. Twenty years have passed and it still shakes me.

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Phelps said...

Cocaine was an excuse, not a cause. They did it because they were evil perverts. They happened to be on cocaine at the time; if they weren't, they would have blamed alcohol, twinkies, or the automatic pool cleaner -- anything but accepting responsibility.

The prohibition of cocaine results in a lot more men being raped in prison than it saves five year old girls from being raped.

1:36 PM  

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